Spirited Away

I was reading a paper written by a friend of mine. She is studying counseling and writing up a paper for her research.

Her theme is the way to happiness: "People who regularly feel grateful to others might be more likely to feel loved by others," and generally feel happier. Research has shown that "gratitude is negatively related to depression, anxiety and envy."

That's very true. Hoyee is such a wonderful girl to me because she used to be grateful to everything. After a few years staying outside alone, she had forgot what she truly is, and became very unhappy, depressed and anxious at some point.

The theme of Miyazaki's Spirited Away: you lose yourself when you forget your name.

Travel

I was looking at the pictures I have put on my Picasa Web Album (see the link on the right). Yes, I have been to many places in Europe. But what is the point if no one shares with me the memories of being in those places? To me, there is no such place in the world that attracts me as much as the people who I want to see.

朋友二號

對不起，這是我最後一次在這裡提這件事。

我以前很少留意任何歌的歌詞，但在我最低落的時候聽到這首歌，我竟然一邊聽，一邊喊（在一個女仔面前）。我一直都想將這首歌的歌詞post出來，因為歌詞所講的內容和我的遭遇一模一樣。

朋友二號

作曲╱編曲╱監製：林潤明 填詞：甄健強

某個背叛你　來這邊找我出氣
彷彿世界　只得我了解你
誰叫我看著你　還捨不得生氣
寧願聽聽你　來換多幾次一起
之後　突然忘掉我
之後　來到我早知的結果

朋友二號　完美任務　捱到絕路
讓對方感動到自豪　還不哭方算最好
做你好友二號　賠了熱度　還有量度
連傷心都不傾訴
如果可以為你效勞

我會照料你　留很多歡笑給你
可否愛我　不必說那些禁忌
誰替你費力氣　誰這麼珍惜你
撩動你同情　然後他講對不起
走吧　別人懷念你
走吧　難過也始終不至死

啊　繼續做　朋友二號　捱到絕路
你的手若有若無　還怎麼想對你好
做你好友二號　賠了熱度　還繼續做
連想哭都不知道　還怎麼決定我命途
誰又會因這個密友自豪

ps. 朋友號

『萬能俠﹐出黎啦﹔朋友號﹐落去啦﹗』鐵甲萬能俠平時藏在瀑布裡﹐要打怪獸時主角就會開著戰鬥機『朋友號』來到瀑布前召喚鐵甲萬能俠。鐵甲萬能俠破瀑而出﹐打開腦袋讓『朋友號』下去。所以『朋友號』其實是鐵甲萬能俠的腦袋﹐主角就在『朋友號』裡控制鐵甲萬能俠。

摘自這裡

Gravity

I called grandma this morning and told her that I would go see her soon. We didn't talk a lot, just caught up something trivial. After I hung up, I cried very badly. I felt I was like the little boy comforted by grandma after being bullied decades ago.

I had never felt that strong before. Maybe it takes time and some bitter encounters to get to feel the gravity of the bond that links you to people who love you.

樹欲靜而風不止，子欲養而親不在
《漢·韓嬰·韓詩外傳·卷九》

I will not let it happen to me.

Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation:


p.s. To some extent, Newton's Law of Universal Gravitation applies to people: the bond that holds 2 people together is inversely proportional to the square of their distance apart.

Paul Bishop

Paul invited me over to his home for dinner tonight before I go back to Hong Kong. We have been playing squash together twice a week for over 2 years but I have not been to his home or met his wife. I have seen his kids quite often though. He brought them over to the squash club from time to time.

Paul's wife is American, talkative and warm. Paul grilled some chicken, mushrooms, peppers and potato on his porch in freezing temperature. I brought a bottle of wine from home (a left over from one of the parties) and the chocolate bar Yvette gave me for Valentine's day. We had a nice chat and dinner there. His kids, Gavin and Malanie, are energetic. Malanie is 3 years old and really lovely.

Paul and Mary poured me with their love story over the couch and dinning table. I only knew today that they met in India. They were both taking a few months off from work in their early 20's and explored the world. They met in a backpackers' home and went on for a 5-days' hike in the Himalayas. They didn't plan to go hiking alone, but the girl from another couple who went with them had high attitude sickness the first day and was sent down the mountain right away. So Paul and Mary spent the next 4 days hiking together.

They didn't start dating until a few months later when Paul had a heart surgery in England. Paul proposed in a pub after a few pins of beer, and Mary needed to ask him whether he was serious. After they married, they spend 9 months seeing all the wilderness in the US without a job. When they spent most of their money, Mary called her former boss and he offered her a job in NYC. So they drove back to NYC and Paul found a well-paid job here after a couple of months. Now they own a big and comfy house with two kids zooming around. They are kids of some characters, but they hug and kiss their dad before going to bed everyday. Gavin even insists to get up before 6 am everyday just to have breakfast with his dad before he goes out for work.

Every friend of mine who has kids says it is not easy to raise kids, but it worths it.

The Himalayas, taken by Mark Galer, Creative Media Unit, RMIT University, Melbourne, Australia

Valentine's day

We have only spent 1 Valentine's day together. But to me, everyday is Valentine's day before she left.

Seriously. Valentine's day is the traditional day to express your love for each other. I did that everyday, because she had opened my heart and let me express myself. I didn't like to speak out my feeling before meeting her. You have changed me in a better sense.

Suffocating

It has been a few months since she left me. I am being occupied by some serious problems lately, but when I think about it, the thought of losing her is still suffocating. I mean literally short of breath (I just learned that short of breath is also one of the symptoms of acute anaphylactic shock.)

Anyway.. life has to go on. You never know what is ahead.

薑汁撞奶

多年前睇過一段麥嘜漫畫：

薑汁問鮮奶：
為什麼你要撞我，以後都分唔開了。

鮮奶說：
那天我撞了你，便分不開了。

我有一對朋友，男的是美國人，女的是法國人。他們都很年輕，只有24、25歲。他們在美國認識，男的跟女的回到法國，一年後結婚。之後兩人一齊返美國。女的在一家公司找到一份穩定的工作，男的工作卻不太穩定。

不久之後，男的發現有了腎病，原因是自身免疫力失衡，不斷殺死自己的腎臟細胞。他不可以再工作，只可以待在家中，每隔幾日還要太太送他到醫院洗腎。因為洗腎令身體很疲倦，而且日日留在家中很悶，所以男的心情經常都很差。

幸好太太對他不離不棄。每天中午都回家陪他吃飯，下班馬上回家照顧他。晚上和朋友的聚會，只要他身體應付很來，即使只是停留半小時，她都會帶他出來見見朋友和走動一下。

現在他轉用了一種洗腎機，可以在晚上睡覺時接上，機器便會在他睡著的時候幫他洗腎，日間便可以做些較輕鬆的工作。因為他的患的是一種自身免疫力疾病，所以他要長期服用免疫力抑制藥。但這些藥同時會令他很容易受感染，和令他吃不下食物。現在他每日只可以吃小量蔬菜和水果。

每次見到他們兩人我都感到很溫暖。我相信他們倆人相處可能有很多困難，特別是要照顧一個腎病病人，和處理他的情緒問題。但從他們望著對方的眼神和說話的表情，你可以看見他們還是很快樂的。

所以我相信，只要兩人相愛和走在一起，不放棄對方，世上沒有事情可以傷害到他們。

薑汁撞奶
做法

Water

When you are given half a glass of water, what do you think?

Someone would think half a glass is not enough, and want to get a full glass, preferably with ice. But some would be grateful for having that much of water, because it is a gift.

It is all in your mind, be contented or want more.

Angel

I was watching the Star Wars again.

You pick up different tiny little things every time you watch the same movie. I just figured that the first line young Anakin talked to Padme was "Are you an angel?... I heard the pilots said angels were the most beautiful beings in the universe."

Some people say the first 3 minutes of conversation determine your relationship with one another. I should have said what I thought. You are an angel.

Highway Country

The US is a country made up of webs of highway. Somehow the American decided to build more highway than railway, probably meant to create more jobs for the automobile industry. Now this country is overconsuming fossil fuel.

This is pretty much what you will see in any section of any interstate highway. Wide opening of highway lined with trees and forrest on both sides.

Over I-93, somewhere in New Hampshire; Oct 3, 2004

Modesty

Sometimes things are not as bad as you think. Modest people usually look at their own and surroundings less positively than arrogant people.

Modesty is good, but balance is important.

The Forty Steps, Cliffwalk, RI; Aug 13, 2006

The Northern Sky

There is a clear northern sky out there. I bought a book to identify the constellations. I wanted to do that for a while. The weather is still a bit cold to sit outside.

A Japanese company has produced a cute little projector that can project a night sky image onto the ceiling. The little thing can also rotate the image slowly to simulate the movement of the stars over a 24 hour period, and throw you a few comets once in a while.

This little projector no bigger than a soccer ball has a price tag of HK$1500. I think they price it to target only 3 kinds of people: 1. true geeks who buy all fancy technologies; 2. idiots who give in to their girls' romantic daydreams; and 3. men who are desperate to make their girls happy.

For whichever reason you find yourself sitting under a starry sky, try to do nothing but stare at the stars. That is sweet.

Nike

What are you afraid of?

You have Nike the Goddess of Triumph on your desk.

You feel what you think

I read an interesting research today. It was selected the 23rd important discovery of 2005 by Discover. The magazine has been sitting on th shelf for almost a year. Someone happened to be reading it and left it open at that page, when I was making a chocolate drink.

A team of neuroscientis in University of Michigan measured the so-called "placebo-related brain chemistry" the first time in history. They injected a salt solution into the jaws of 14 men to produce an ache. Then each of them was given a placebo, which is an injection said to be an experimental pain medication. Nine of the men said the pain subsided.

Then, the researcher scanned the brain activity of these people with positron emission tomography scanning. It turns out that those nine people have increased activity in parts of the brain that modulates pain. Radioactive trace also showed that binding occurred at receptors for endophins, naturally occuring pain-fighting sustances.

The conclusion from the neuroscientists: "If somebody believes something will work, that positive expectation by itself, through different connections in the brain, activates mechanisms that suppress pain."

So, now we know that there is a biochemical basis of hope.

If you are in difficult time, think positive. You don't know what the brain is doing, but it can make you go through the difficult time easlier. If you feel you are restricted by the environment, do something to make the environment favorable to you. In another word, make yourself comfortable.

Look around. Hope may be right at your shoulder. You feel what you think after all.

CAPE ANN, MA; Nov 7, 2004

Roses

I remember in Science lesson back in middle school, we were taught that a flame is its coldest in red. As the flame gets hotter, it changes to yellow, white and then blue. Now I know that it is to do with the wavelength of the light energy flames emit.

Let's drop the science. Isn't this rose turning up the love it represents from red-hot to yellow-hot?

Rose Garden, Balboa Park, San Diego, CA; Aug 3 2006

32

Today I turn 32. Friends and colleagues threw me a birthday party. Yvette and Sophie baked me cakes. I am very lucky to have them living together. They are sweet. They bought me the DVDs of the Star Wars Prequels and a nice blue sweater. I love the gifts.

Everyone says happy birthday to me. I cannot think of any reason to be happy but one, which is my birthday wish of this year. I have never made birthday wish seriously. This is my first time.

Honey

I was organizing my mail boxes. These are excerpts of some of the old messages:

Aug 31, 2002:

... I want to tell you: you are the best girl I have ever met. I love you and treasure you. Don't worry about me. I will wait for you... you take care of yourself. I want to go on my life with you by my side.
-------

Aug 30, 2002:

Honey,

I just came back from the breakfast in my boss's home. I dont think that I can use internet and telephone in these 2 days. Miss you. So i will stay in my guesthouse...
-------

I didn't even remember she had ever called me "Honey". She rarely did.

Munich

I have been to Munich 5 times.

It is a city that is unfamiliar but heart-warming to me. It is not the locals who are particularly welcoming, but I was always accompanied by my love there. I always want to fly there and stay with her forever.

Snow

Snow comes at last for this season.

I haven't had a chance to take a picture of it yet. I have taken some pictures outside my workplace last winter. It was Februry 2006. The sky cleared up after snowing.

I was so cheerful and excited at that time. I uploaded the pictures onto the web and showed them to people that I cared. I am not sure I will do that again anymore.

NEB Campus, Ipswich, MA; Feb 13, 2006