Prost

Prost for the passion for beer!

Counceling

When I think about it, it seems to me that all that I have learned from my mistakes do not benefit myself a lot. I find myself giving good advices to friends who are going through what I have gone through (and made the wrong choices).

I should seek a career in counseling instead.

This blog

The more I think about it, the more I understand why I started this blog.

I always have things that I do not tell everyone, just like everyone. Now I have no one to talk to. So I write them down and hope that people who care will read them.

At least I found a way to take care the dark side of my feeling.

The calendar page on the date of my birth. My grandfather saved it in a photo album.

Harsh

I studied hard, I work hard. I go through tough terrains, luckily with help from friends at times.

I do all a man should do: being tough and decisive, proactive and keep my promises.

I run and run...

People ask me what kind of girls that I like.

I said as long as I am comfortable to look at and stay with.

Bad phrasing. I should say I want a soul mate whom I am eager to tell every triviality I face and every secret and fear of mine. I will let her see the part of mine hidden from the others. We understand each other and love each other. You don't meet that many soul mates very often.

Most the time I know what I should do. I ask not because I am indecisive, it is because I want your support.

Life is harsh. Things that had happened cannot be reversed. It is always cold and lonely to walk along. Why don't we hang on together and get some warmth from each other?

I always have the fear that I will be thrown out to the street and live a miserable life.

I have only told this to one person. Now you all know, if you care to read on.

Me at the age of 2. I have just realized that 30 years have passed.

Friends

I know I have many friends. But I didn't know I had so many good friends who were so willing to listen to me, give me advice and help me out of my trouble. I am really thankful for all of you who have offered. I am very proud of myself having made so many good friends in these years.

Mistakes

I always say that men only worry about two things: career and women.

I am sad not only because of my situation. I am more bothered by having my time and effort wasted. I am a simple man working for a simple life. I am not asking for a fancy career or a star-like girl. I only want a stable job and a comfortable life spent with the girl I love. Why it has to come down to this?

Mistakes. When I look back, I can see I have made a series of mistakes. I have told myself not to make the same mistake twice, and I am very proud that I have not repeated any mistake. But do I have to try out that many mistakes before I can do things right in the first place?

p.s. For those who care to read on, I am not as gloomy as I appear here. I use this blog to express the feeling deep in my heart. I am fighting hard all the time to keep my life rolling.

Realistic

This is weird. When I need to worry about living, I drop all the worries I had before. Now I have to fight for my own survival, and I don't even have time to read newspaper, or worry about girls. I am a realistic person after all.

But when I am tired, I still feel upset for no one in this world care about me too much.

Paul is right. He says I am worse than him if things happen, because he has wife and children with him. Physical and financial help is one thing, mental support is another. Of course, then I have the benefit of less burden because I don't have a family. But if I have to choose, I prefer having one.

Hang on.. please

My computer has been running slow and cut off suddenly today...

Please hang on and keep working. You are my only life line now. I really need you to work and run some business. I will probably lose my will to live if you fail.

Loser

I lost my love a few months back, now I lost my job. What else do you want from me?

Yes. I cut my hand with the lid of an open can, and my windshield got hit by a stone on the highway and left with a crack today. What's next?

Quick fix

We had a brief house meeting for my situation.

Yvette asked me what she could help. I said not much.

Sophie said, "Oh, you can marry Hong and he will be all set."

Yvette flushed and said, "Yeah, Sean doesn't mind. Let's go to the city hall tomorrow."

I thanked her and said I would keep it as the last resort. What a happy meeting.

Scull

Too much violence in my mind.

Gotta neutralize it with some calm views.


Thomas Eakins
Max Schmitt in a Single Scull
1871
Oil on canvas
32 1/2 x 46 1/4 in. (82.6 x 117.5 cm)
Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York

Damn it

Damn it. I have run into a fucking serious problem.

I am just kicked out of work because of my visa problem. Damn it. I have to see my employer's attorney tomorrow and find a way to get back to work as soon as I can. Damn it!

I got the news after lunch. I was upset and worried for the first hour. But now I am so fretted and only want to slice some people into halves!! FUCK!!

A fantastic video clip I found on the web a few years back. I didn't pay attention to the name of the maker though.

My first day on snowboard

After the snowboarding lesson, I was on my own and Sophie took a video of me.

The Angelus

This is probably the only piece of art that strikes me on the first sign. The Angelus of Jean-Francois Millet.

The Angelus
Jean-Francois Millet; 1857-59; Oil on canvas; 21 3/4 x 26 in. (55.5 x 66 cm); Musee d'Orsay, Paris.

The church has rang the evening bell in the far background. A humble peasant couple prays at their potato harvest in the field.

A masterpiece is a masterpiece because it touches the audience's soul. This is a masterpiece.

Dolphins

I found something interesting from my collection of pictures and paintings.

A few years back we invited a writer who had written a book about visual illusions to give a talk at work. He explained to us that our brains are trained by our perception and experience, and then interpret what we see so that we can recognition the same car or the same person from different angles of view. This extraordinary ability serves us very well but can also does tricks. Here is one funny example.

He said that young children only saw dolphins. I saw something else of course, and I needed to stare at it for 5 minutes to locate the dolphins.

I know.. I know.. I am far from being innocent.

Scream

Yvette has hung the Scream of Edvard Munch at home.


And I happened to come across this on the web today..


It seems like the Simpsons people are escalating our dear Homer into the classics...

Sunday River

Sunday River is the biggest ski resort in New England. It has over 50 trails covering 7 mountains and 6 ridges.

We went there skiing and snowboarding for 2 days. On the first day, I took a snowboarding lesson in the morning and got on the hill on my own in the afternoon. But I couldn't managed it and hit my butt quite badly.

So I got back on the skis on the second day and took a short skill improvement lesson. The instructor is probably in his late 50's and has over 35 years of teaching experience. He brought Shamik and I up the hill and showed us what and how to ski in the right form in a few runs down the hill.

After that skiing lesson, I could ski in a controlled manner and started enjoying it. I was not even tired after skiing for the whole day.

But that was not the end. The journey back home was a lot more adventurous than skiing/snowboarding. We were hit head on by freezing rain, which froze on the ground and the windshield in 2 seconds. I had to drive in the 3rd gear all the time and use engine brake to stay in control. We even needed to stop twice to scrap the ice from the windshield. That turned 1 hour's drive through the local streets into almost 2 hours. It almost killed me mentally. I passed the driving seat onto Shamik soon after we got on the highway where the driving condition was a lot better.

We went home safe and sound after four and a half hours.

Surprisingly, the most impressive encounter of the whole trip was a few unintended words came out from the skiing instructor. I was skiing from behind him and he suddenly said to me, "Go on, son." Maybe he is like all affectionate American old men who always address young men "son", but it touched my heart like a father who is encouraging his son to explore the best of his potential and standing by his side when he needs him.

30000 feet above

On the plane back to Boston

Sagittarius

There has been plenty of negative thoughts coming upon me today. It is wired that my horoscope seems responding to it:

You clean your kitchen when it gets messy, you clean your car when the back seat gets cluttered, and you should clean your mind when it gets full of negative things. This isn't a question of ignoring real problems you may be mulling over, it's a question of letting go of worry. There are things you just can't do anything about -- those are the things you have to stop thinking about today. Move on with positive thoughts, and leave the old ones behind.

I rarely read any horoscope. But once in a while it is good to have some guidance, especially when those guidance make you comfortable.

People say I am not a typical Sagittarius. But so what?

2007

Another year.

May it be a good one for everyone.